Not a school year goes by where I don't get asked by a student or two to share my perspective on dating relationships. This year is no different, and in light of the fact that we have more visible dating relationships than in the past I thought I would post on the topic.

The Bible gives us no explicit information regarding dating relationships. This makes perfect historical sense since there was NO dating in the biblical era; thus, it was not an issue that needed to be addressed. In fact, the type of casual dating relationships that are all too common among youth today have really only existed for about 75 years. Even in my grandfather's adolescent years it was not common to "go steady" with a girl before college age (18-20).

Although the Bible does not speak explicitly concerning dating relationships, there are plenty of implicit principles that can be applied to the subject. First and foremost, the principle of love. No one, and I mean NO ONE is really ready for a serious relationship until they understand what love really is. Love is NOT a feeling. If it were, that would be scary because feelings change constantly. Love is a choice. For example, I choose to love my wife. And this CHOICE has been expressed by my commitment to a marriage relationship with her. This choice is made knowing full well that my feelings can change on a whim. If she does something to really upset me, I am not going to have very nice feelings towards her for a while, right? But that should not in any way affect my love for her! Unfortunately, many young people get into dating relationships long before they really understand true love. They conclude, often based on a Disney type definition of love, that love is a feeling. Understandably then, when their girlfriend or boyfriend does something that changes their feelings towards them, they conclude that they have "fallen out of love." The relationship comes to an end and usually someone is left hurt and confused (this is where all kinds of sappy love songs come to mind).

Another biblical principle that is key to understanding dating relationships is commitment. The Bible is full of examples of the consequences of strong and weak commitments. In the Old Testament you can read about the life of Joseph and the extremely strong commitment he had to God. So strong in fact, that when the wife (I imagine she was quite a gorgeous woman) of his master, Potiphar, wanted to sleep with him, he refused and went running! You can also read about the weak commitment that the disciples had to Jesus. When Jesus got arrested and the disciples faced persecution, they went running. But unlike Joseph's running, the disciples ran away from commitment to God, not because of their commitment to God. Of course we know that the story ends in the restoration of the disciples and the recommitment that they pledged to the risen Jesus. This renewed commitment was so strong that they went to their early graves for the cause of Christ. What does this have to do with middle and high school dating relationships? EVERYTHING! Commitment must be present or you are playing around with each other's lives and that is about as immature and irresponsible as it gets. And quite frankly, until you are ready to put a ring on a finger and propose marriage (or accept the proposal), you are NOT ready for commitment. I mean let's get real, if you are under the age of 20, you likely have no job (or not one that rakes in much cash), no house (of your own), no vehicle (that you bought), no health insurance, no fridge with food (that belongs to you), and most likely you don't even own a stitch of clothes that was not purchased by mom or dad (or your grandma if you are thinking about that ugly shirt you'll never wear). In other words, you ain't ready! And that's okay. It is a much more mature decision to wait until you are really ready to date than to think you are ready just because you are able to work-up some tingly feelings for someone of the opposite gender. Try this one out boys: the next time you are trying to rouse the courage to ask some little girl to be your girlfriend, ask yourself who bought the BVDs you're wearing. If the answer is mommy or daddy (or house helper/guardian), you are NOT ready to provide for that girl, so, DO NOT MESS WITH HER!

Real love and real commitment. These are the two ingredients that are necessary to make a real relationship.

"Well, what can I do about my feelings in the meantime?" I get it. I really do. It is totally natural to be attracted to the opposite gender. You're not weird, strange, gross, etc. You're normal. But just because there is an attraction, does NOT mean that you should act on it. Think about it. If you can't learn to control yourself and keep yourself from advancing towards every attraction, how will you stay faithful to your future spouse? After all, your spouse won't be the last person you're attracted to. So, this season of life (middle and high school) is your proving ground, your training center. This is the season for you to learn how to manage your attractions. If you are SUPER attracted to a certain person, then simply get to know them as a friend - nothing more. Acknowledge the fact that you do not need to express any "feelings" to this person or make some sloppy attempt at a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. Instead, recognize that the attraction is likely fleeting and much trouble can be saved by maturing-up a bit and keeping it at the level it belongs - friendship.

Here at Logos we (teachers/admin.) strive to foster an environment that is God glorifying and safe for everyone. These are TOP priorities. This issue is directly related to both of these priorities. A bunch of adolescents running around "breaking hearts" and playing around with people's lives is not God glorifying and does not contribute to an environment where all feel safe. I hope you can be a part of the solution by making a commitment to guard the hearts and lives of each other by WAITING until you are ready for real love and real commitment.