It might come as a
surprise to you but bullying is not simply the act of big kids who
take the little kids lunch money. In fact, bullying can be defined as
any behavior that belittles or is aggressive towards another person.
Bullying may be verbal, like derogatory comments, calling names, or
telling lies about somebody, or physical, like kicking, hitting,
shoving. Other forms of bullying include social exclusion, cyber
bullying, racial slurs, stealing, and any other type of threatening
behavior.
Although some people
may consider bullying to be just “normal kid stuff,” it can
severely damage the emotional health of the victim. In addition, the
bully him/herself is often the victim of bullying from someone else –
it is usually a vicious cycle.
While we do not seem
to have a major problem at Logos with physical bullying, it has come
to my attention (and has been on the radar of some teachers for quite
some time now) that we do have an excess of what may be considered
the more subtle forms of bullying. Things like social exclusion,
gossiping, belittling comments, etc. Of course, you may ask, “What
do you consider excessive?” The answer is: ANY BULLYING AT ALL IS
TOO MUCH! We are a school that seeks to glorify God, and God has set
the bar high. He has revealed to us that we are to love each other in
the same way that He has loved us (John 15:12). I do understand that
not all students at Logos are followers of Jesus. However, regardless
of your Christian or non-Christian status, the standard set for us by
Jesus is the standard that we want to strive for here at Logos. It is
the culture that we want to breed and will go out of our way to
protect.
Although there is a
fine line between real bullying and some behaviors, like bantering,
joking, and innocent wrestling around, we are responsible to make
sure we do NOT cross the line. And what if we do cross the line?
Well, we make amends and face the consequences. What we do not want
to do is return the bullying (in whatever form it takes: calling
names, put-downs, ignoring, exclusion from a groups, etc) and
perpetuate the problem. Yes, we realize that doing the right thing is
not easy, but you are Logos students. We not only hold you to
a higher academic standard than many other schools but we hold you to
a higher moral and interpersonal standard than other schools may
expect. We do this because right relationships please the Lord (John
15:13; Heb. 10:24-25) and our number one goal, as Logos teachers and
administrators, is to please the Lord. In pleasing the Lord through
cultivating a school environment that is bully-free and safe, we all
benefit.
So, how can you be a
part of creating and maintaining a bully-free, safe school
environment? First and foremost, you can make sure you are
not currently involved in a situation that may be construed as
bullying. For example, if you know that you and a friend have been
purposely leaving out somebody from your conversations, lunch
gatherings, or after school outings, it is time to STOP. Put yourself
in their place, connect, even for just a moment, with the pain they
must feel in being excluded. Use that empathy to motivate you to
make amends. Secondly, make sure that you do not participate
in any future bullying, and be willing to stand up for someone who
may be bullied. Thirdly, get proactive. That just means don't
wait for a bullying situation to happen before you step in and help.
Instead, do things to ensure that people do not get bullied. If you
are a junior who sees a seventh grader sitting in a corner alone,
approach them and ask them how their day is going. You may discover
that they are just fine and happily reading a good book, but you may
also discover that you just stepped into a very dark moment and
now have the opportunity to bring a bit of light and perspective to a hurting soul.
Bottom line: Let's
work together to create a bully-free, safe school environment that
ultimately brings glory and praise to God and in the process creates
a place where you, me, and every soul that encounters Logos knows
that they are loved, respected, and valued.
My door is open to
you if you want to keep this conversation going in person. Otherwise,
post a comment or two and let me know what you think. I am excited
for the solutions that you brilliant students may come up with.
Aren't cliques inevitable though?
ReplyDeleteThat's true, but that doesn't mean we should not avoid the opportunity to cease them.
DeleteGood thoughts. Benjamin Franklin said, "'In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." :) So, while it may seem that cliques are inevitable, I don't think they have to be. Besides, what really is a clique? It seems to me that it is a group of people who have identified themselves based on certain criteria and formed a tight knit community based on those similarities. If that's the case, why can't we be one big clique based on the fact that we can all identify as Logos students? In other words, if you're a Logos student, you're in! Of course there are going to be individuals that better suit each other as friends and, therefore, are going to spend more time together, etc. But there is no excuse for excluding. We all yearn to be accepted. There are really no real loners. We know this because we are made for relationship - relationship with God and one another.
DeletePeople tend to make comments without thinking, then just add "Just Joking" at the end as if that makes everything better. Once you say something the words have already made an impact on the other person. They will laugh but they are really hurt. People need to think before they say things. I think that is a huge part of the problem here.
ReplyDeleteThis couldn't be more true. Everybody knows that when someone says something harsh, derogatory, etc. and ends it with a "Just joking," they really do intend to have their statement taken literally, not as a joke. I think this even applies close friends. Adolescence is a stage of rapid development. Part of this development is the development of identity, personal value, and worth. This means that any time someones identity, value, or worth is threatened with a put-down it makes a lasting impression and may do some real damage. This applies to adults to but even more so to the 11-20 age group. So, next time someone is tempted to say something that may be a "joke," they may want to ask themselves, "Is this something that if it were said to me would threaten my fragile identity, value, or worth?"
Deletebut some people do push it a bit too far with this ''just joking'' and when they say it, they say it to a group of people and they all laugh. After they knew you found out they say just joking and it does really hurt and they see that but just continue to keep going. they dont really care how it feels when they do it to others. Just when it happens to them.
ReplyDeleteI think you should say to them, "Is this a joke? Cause I'm not laughing" They need to be made aware that their jokes are hurtful, and you need to directly address that, ESPECIALLY since they are aware of the fact that they're hurting you. If not, then they will use ignorance as an excuse.
ReplyDeleteGreat thought. Essentially what you're suggesting is clearer communication, right? When I think of clear, direct, balanced communication, I think of Jesus. Remember the time when Jesus was confronted by the Pharisees about his authority to clear the temple of the animal sellers? (John 2:13-22). The Pharisees (Jesus enemies) said to Jesus, "Where do you get your authority to clear the temple? (Paraphrase). Here is the critical moment of tension. Jesus is neither too passive, nor too aggressive. He doesn't say passively, "Well, I don't really know, ah, I guess I could have just asked first, but, ah..." and He also doesn't say, "What do you care? I'll do whatever I want, when I want, how I want and if you got a problem with that..." Instead, Jesus is totally aware of the tense feelings involved and clearly responds, "I've got a question for you and if you answer my question, I'll answer yours." Of course we know that Jesus stumped them with His question. But my point is that Jesus always had that beautifully clear, direct, and balanced communication with those He came into contact with.
DeleteFor us to navigate our complex relationships we need to develop this same type of clear, direct, balanced communication. Some people are able to do this a bit more naturally than others but everyone requires some training and refinement in these skills. Here are six key interpersonal (relating to others) skills:
(1) Know what you want: What do you want out of a relationship? Are you looking for companionship, intellectual stimulation, a need to serve another, etc.
(2) Ask for what you want: Do this in a way that protects the relationship.
You do this by remembering that they have valid "wants" too. Learn to
ask for what you want in a clear, non-attacking way.
(3) Negotiate conflicting wants: Start this step by making a clear
commitment that there will not be winners and losers but both will gain
in the end.
(4) Get more information: Careful! Don't assume you know what the other
person wants, needs, fears, etc. Don't assume you know all that they
are going through and why they may be acting a certain way. Ask
them for more info.
(5) Saying "no" in a way that protects the relationship: You need to know
your boundaries and be willing to assertively and lovingly validate the
other person's needs while not violating your boundaries.
(6) Act according to your values: Know what you value in a relationship
and model that value. Do you value trust, honesty, commitment,
acceptance, forgiveness? Provide those for the other person and
expect those to be provided for you. If they are violated in your
friendship, you do no good by violating them back. Remain mindful of
the other person's feelings and clearly communicate that you have
noticed a violation in an important value of the relationship.
Can you do a post about suicide?
ReplyDeleteSure. I'll make my next post about this subject. Keep in mind, that if thoughts of suicide move from passing thoughts like, "I'd rather be dead than study for this test!" to thoughts about how you would actually end your life, it is critical that you tell a trusted adult and seek some guidance. Most people have those passing type thoughts of suicide, which for some are more serious than others (some people make statements like, "I'd rather die than eat that!" as more of an expression of dissatisfaction with something than any actual desire to die) but any lingering thoughts of suicide that begin to consider time, means, etc. reveals a level of hopelessness that may feel endless. There is HOPE. There is HELP. It is always worth making one last attempt at life before making an attempt at death. And that last attempt at life begins with sharing your story with a trusted, Christ-centered adult.
DeleteI'm glad you started this and hope it will be helpful for many. This is a serious issue. I feel there is a real struggle going on at Logos. I pray the Lord will keep it safe and healthy for all.
ReplyDeleteI know this might be changing the subject again but people try to be happy at school all the time and ignore what people say bad about them and thats amazing. But at others times because they are trying so hard more pressure is put on them and it makes them break down. People think they are always happy and doesnt need a friend but they try to be happy to find a friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. Please don't worry about changing the topic. Besides, this is right on topic. Your're right, we all ware masks of happiness from time to time. There are days where we feel like junk but cover it up with a smile and a nice, "I'm good. How are you?" There is some good to this practice. After all, when you get into a career someday, there are times where you really do need to just smile through a bad day. For example, I used to be a bar tender. As a bar tender, I was expected to have lively, witty, conversation with the bar patrons. Even if I was having an awful, terrible day, I couldn't let the bar guest know that. It was their privilege to let me know about their awful day while it was my job to "gladly" listen. However, what I do need is a few people I can trust to vent with and let them know what's really going on in my life. These friends need to be trustworthy, loyal, and honest with me.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget, when the pressure gets too high and you feel like a break down is imminent, call out to God. He once said to a group under great pressure, "Come to Me all you who are tired and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my burden upon you and learn from me. For my burden is light and you will find rest for your souls" (Matt. 11:30). I mean really, how often are we burdened by the pressures of life but don't actually go into our rooms, close the door, get on our knees, and cry out to God? Try it. Next time you're hurting, get alone with Jesus and cry, yell, talk, sit in silence and listen, read Psalm 27 and meditate on one of the verses, cry out some more... Do this for an hour and I can almost guarantee you that you will feel a release of pressure, a renewed resolve to go on, and a better perspective on your life challenges.
Don't forget, the teachers and administrators are here to help. We sure love our students with the love of our Lord.
Should cyber bullying that is done off campus (on a home computer, etc.) be an offence that can lead to school suspension?
ReplyDelete